Anyone in a relationship can attest that it takes effort and consistency to maintain a strong and healthy connection. It’s a critical component in any relationship, but in particular romantic relationships which require more ‘maintenance’ than friendships or other platonic relationships.
This is contrary to what is depicted in novels and movies where couples meet, fall in love, have an earth-shattering argument, break up only to be involved in a grand gesture later on that mends all wounds, and finally live happily ever after. But in the real world, a successful romantic relationship requires each partner to consciously and continuously practice effective communication, empathy, patience, understanding, and most importantly, attempts to connect – otherwise known as emotional bids.
Table of Contents
Identifying emotional bids
Emotional bids can range from verbal gestures such as enquiring about your partner’s day to more nonverbal expressions like stolen glances during social interactions. There are several ways to make and accept these requests to connect. How you react to these will have a major impact on the trajectory of your relationship; that is, whether you welcome or reject attempts could make or break the relationship over time. It is worth considering that almost every interaction you have with your partner could be an emotional bid.
Why are emotional bids important?
It is no secret that we as humans are social beings continuously seeking to build meaningful connections as we go through life. For many, this means finding a significant other to share their lives with. Emotional bids in romantic relationships, whether it be grand or small gestures, aid in building connection as it allows us to develop spaces that promote trust and security, strengthen emotional and physical connections, as well as effectively engage in conflict resolution.
The most fruitful relationships are built on these aspects as they allow for both partners to build safety nets within their relationship, which lends space for them to be their authentic selves without fear of judgment. Essentially, emotional bids are crucial to not only build a deep connection and express love for your partner in words, but also in action.
Challenges and possible solutions
Various external factors could have a huge impact on how we respond to emotional bids. These can include:
Work obligations
Our jobs can be demanding and can often take a lot out of us. This may leave us feeling exhausted at the end of the day, but it is in these moments that we have to put in the work in our romantic relationships. Instead of getting home after a long day and just shutting off, try setting aside some time to have a conversation about the day so both you and your partner can unwind and speak through any challenges.
Family life
Family dynamics play a huge role in our romantic relationships, especially if we’re parenting children. In addition to this, influence from our parents, in-laws, friends, and other extended family members also exist. It is important in maintaining these relationships that you and your partner operate as a team instead of as individuals on opposite sides. Again, a good way to achieve this is to keep the lines of communication open and accessible so that you and your partner can address any obstacles that may arise.
The digital world
The amount of time we spend on social media or just in front of screens in general can present huge challenges in a romantic relationship. Spending too much time scrolling feeds, or gaming, for example, could leave our partners feeling neglected. A good way to avoid this is to consciously set aside time to spend with our significant others where there are no screens involved.
What Can Be Done?
Navigating the above and other unique challenges is extremely difficult despite the amount of effort put in by either party in a romantic relationship. While emotional bidding in its various forms is helpful, it may not be quite enough. During these times, it may be helpful to consult a qualified counselor, such as one with an online Master’s in Counseling Psychology or similar credentials, who is equipped with proven methods of guiding couples towards healthier interactions.
As mentioned earlier, effort and consistency are key to making a relationship work. This can mean scheduling time for each other into your diaries, being mindful of the role family or even technology plays in your relationship, and practicing methods of effective communication. No two relationships are the same, so it is imperative to find what suits you and your partner when it comes to connecting.
